January 20, 2012

The feminists ruined the women's world, or the reason why I hate interpersonal relations today

So, I've been thinking.. We have this awesome subject at the University called Social and Cultural Anthropology, and we have an even more awesome teacher! Her name is V.V.Godina. She is like God! No kidding.

So I've been thinking to write a post about my point of view about some things. I've been in the library today and everytime I go to the section of Psychology and look at the shelf of books about personality and interpersonal relationships I always get caught by all these books about »how to get the perfect man« »How to become happy in 10 steps« bla bla and stuff like that. For you out there, that these books actually helped you, well, that's fantastic! But for me, as an almost psychologist, is always funny to read all these things these books say, because they have no science proof.

Today was one of those days, I've picked up a book »Why men prefer bitches« - Well, I guess you can see from the title why this book caught my attention. I've read some of the things inside. In the beginning I was laughing. Then I got mad. Like, really mad. Holy shit, do women around the world really believe this shit? That's gross. Honestly. I was so offended. And pissed off.

So here is this fascinating theory (that will change your life forever):

1.object of care

AUTHOROTY (by father)
2.object of care
Other female relatives
Other female relatives

PUNISHMENT (by father)
3.object of care
All other females
All other females



The theory says, that If we could choose with whom we would like to be, we would always choose our mother (yes, even the girls). Because our mum is the definition of the unconditional love. And we are all searching around the world for the unconditional love. But with the theory of incest, our mothers are forbidden. And also the evolution would never go far, if we would all keep having sex with our mother. The point is, that the mother is the first object of care. Without her, when we are babies, we would die. But okay, so we cannot have our mother. We stop wanting our mother because of the authority of our fathers. The second object of care are all the female relatives. But also they are forbidden. We stop wanting them out of punishment from our parents. And then there is the third object of care and these are all the other women. So, boys stop here. But girls don't. And here is the catch. It is obvious that our dear men has nothing to do with our beloved mother. Obviously. Physically they are VERY different. And also if girls would stop at the same stage as boys, there would be no reproduction, and we would all be dead in one or two generations. So here is now the biggest question:

What can men give us so we would choose them to have sex with?

Because according to the picture above, men are the last thing we would (if we could chose otherwise) chose. And also we need to repress our primary matrix – which is a woman – so we must desexualise ourselves and choose men.

So, again, what can a man give me, so that instead of a woman, I will have sex with a man?

Mana (mana is strictly individual! When someone has a mana, it is usually connected to our unconsciousness. Our unconsciousness recognize the mana and that's why we are attracted to it. According to Godina, mana is something that our unconsciousness remembers from our mothers when we were babies – a care or something).
Identification (when you cannot posses someone anymore (like our mothers when we ere a baby) and the love we felt for her changes. So if we cannot have her, we will identified with her. For boys the identification goes with fathers – complex of Oedipus – Mr. Freud).

Social-economic-political-religious POWER

And this last one is the more, more interesting one.


Because 50, 100 years ago men could give us that. They could. Today they CANNOT.
And here is, where feminists come in.  They wanted for women to have POWER. To be equal with men. But we know that love can never function between equals.

Here comes another theory:

Mother (SUPERIOR She LOVES us.)
Child (SUBORDINATEHe/She feels LOVED.)

And now there is this thing. Which one will go to the place of superior instead of Mother? The girl or the boy? Which one will be the one to love and which one will be the one to feel loved? Because everyone wants to FEEL LOVED! So, which one?

The girl.

Partly because of our education, which teach us to always care for others, to be nice, to not get angry, to respect and bla bla bla. Partly because of the fact, that we will be mothers one day, so biologically we have this instinct of the unconditional love within us. And then the big part, a man will NEVER choose to be superior. NEVER. And we cannot be both in the spot of being loved. It's impossible. One loves, the other feels loved. So the girl become superior, and so she loves.

Now, with the feminists – what they actually did was, YES, we gained POWER, but we lost our VALUE. And that's the saddest thing. We became equal with men, we can (must) go to work, we can do politics, we can decided for our own and everything. I am not saying I want to be the woman in the kitchen and look after kids and have no word at all, NO, I'm not saying that. BUT we did lost our VALUE. That's why relationships these days are so poor and they don't last like they did 50 years ago.

And with all the POWER and equality in everything with men, WE LOST THE POSSIBILITY OF EVER BEING LOVED.

50 years ago man could have gave us social status, and in this situation we were subordinate, and WE FELT LOVED. Today no man can give you social status, because you can get it on your own. There is nothing left for man to give us, and so there is NO WAY ANYMORE for us to be subordinate.

Sad, isn't it?

And then I pick up a book with the title »Why men love bitches« and inside there are rules described by how a woman must act and be, so a man will fall in love with her? Like, she can't get drunk, she must be patient, not to torture him what is he doing every 2 hours and stupid stuff like that. I mean, seriously? Are you freaking kidding me?

I really miss my VALUE.

And another thing. If men are really that perfect and everything, well, then I'll say, go to hell and try to have children on your OWN, if you are so damn perfect and you think all the women of the planet will go on their knees for you to notice, because you're that damn perfect!!

And there is another thing I must say. I didn't put much attention to it before I've heard it myself, but it's true. So, GIRL, hear me up:


So, tell me, what do YOU think about it?


thecrazyone said...

hmm... well it's just Godina explained for the masses, nothing really new bassicaly (for us at least :P). But I don't know; somehow I never really got her whole: men don't have anything to offer us, we lost our value, bla bla bla theory. She says we lost our value, but that valus is really just equalising women as a material substance. Back in the old days, they sold you to the highest bider, and so you were "worth" something. Equoting a person with some material subject thas is sold and treated as such (you're my property), never seemed like a really good idea to me. Today we're in a situation where we're actually forced to offer a person something in return, to actually have a partnership. We have to work for it, and sometimes let something slide and accept the idea that we're not perfect and so we can't expect/demand a perfect partner either. I believe that women definetly still are worth something, actually I believe we're worth even more now, becomes we have a lot more to offer. But the problem that we're actually facing is that there are masses of men (a feew bright expections do not fall in this category, so that my favourite men won't publically stone me :P), that we're raised in a system, where they didn't have to offer a girl all that much. All he had to do, was provide for her and he had to do that anyway, if he wanted to liberate himself from his parents and have a life of his own, indpendately. ki so. But today, we have this whole infantily thing draged out into eternity, you've got those scrubs/momma's boys who are still living the whole papa/mamma hotel thing in their 30's and not even thinking about leaving home becausem they feel just fine the way their living now. And then they REALLY don't have anything to offer you in return (except maybe some partially to preety good sexuall activity, depending on how desperate you are). I think that we do underestimate our own value today and that we also underestimate what the "modern man" has to offer us. But it is a fact that it's very important in which way you search for a person like thhis. Mostly, guys don't go out and party in fuego/plus/studio 55/opr and other club for that matter, to go and find a girlfriend. They go out and party to catch a girl (or two) and maybe (if they're really lucky) get laid. And mostly they don't see girls with whom they hook up in a club as girlfriend material (and to be honest, it's not like it's really all that different from our side of the table). In nače Slow, with some thougt, a little more cautious and a little less hasty and I think it will do. We're in too much of a hurry. From: it would be nice to have a boyfirend we go to: I want a boyfriend, I need a boyfriend, I have to get myself a boyfriend, o fuck!, why am I single? I'm really, really gonna get myself a boyfriend, to hell with it all! damn men, I'm gonna be alone forever,I'm never gonna find someone who will love me and care for me, I'm pathetic. Anybody picking up on a pattern? A little more patience, persistance and strictness towards ourselves and others and a little less thought of how everybody else is to blame for the problems in our personale life and how hopeless everything is and I think things will somehow work themselves out in the end. Other than that, written very sweet, cute and with a lot of energy ;)

Railer said...

I have to admit that for a 5AM read, this really got my brain running early today. I think that much of what you wrote carries a lot of merit. One thing that pops out at me is the idea that men desire to find someone similar to their mother. I think that there may be an instinctual desire for that in most men because of the attachment that a child has to their mother from the very beginning. I think it's almost natural for that to be a desire for any child, boy or girl, because of that bond. Despite that, in my life, the opposite is true. My childhood did a lot to mold me into the person I am today and because of my early life experiences, I've realized that I have no desire to find anyone similar to my mother. I look at my friends and their wives or girlfriends and can see how they are similar (or were in some cases) to their own mothers so I do understand the logic behind this thinking.
On the other point, the idea of dominance in relationships. Again, I see a great deal of truth behind the thinking that relationships don't carry the same strength as they did in the past because of equality. I have a job where I am exposed to various types of people on a daily basis and I can see many people where that "equality" exists that there is an unspoken tension between the couple. I'm just someone who comes into a person's home for a couple of hours but I can sense that usually after a couples' first interaction with each other.
I agree that something is lost in equality because the historic role of the “man” of being a provider for his family is now being pushed aside to make room for another provider, the “woman” who was once the person who generally took care of the family and the home (That ‘70s Show is an interesting look at life in the ‘70s).
Going back further in time to the prehistoric, men were out hunting while women were at home caring for the family. It’s not just a social idea but more of an evolutionary ideal that has always existed. It is only natural that it ties back to the first point where children desire their mother given that it was generally the mother that the children were most exposed to in their youth. Now men have been slowly pushed aside because of equality and their dominant role as the “provider” is being slowly diminished which likely has the side effect of leaving them a little disoriented. We have it in ourselves to be a provider and the “leader” and now that this position is being slowly devalued, we also lose our sense of self.
As a provider, a man is proud of his accomplishments because he’s able to put a roof over his family’s head and food in their mouths and in turn that is how they SHOW their love for their family and that is how women FEEL loved, knowing that they are being taken care of. The phrase “I love you” is bullshit. You shouldn’t have to say it to anyone, it should be FELT. Saying it only brings up the idea that it isn’t truly felt and that words are necessary to convey that feeling to another person. In prehistoric times, a man throwing the body of a bison on the floor of a kitchen was the “I love you” of that time. As recent as 25 to 30 years ago, the man throwing down his paycheck at home was the “I love you” of that time. Now that superiority doesn’t exist anymore.

Railer said...

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not the type who believes that the man is “THE MAN” but that feeling and sense should never be lost even if the wife has a career and makes more money than he does. That is irrelevant. It’s more on the emotional side that men need to promote that superiority and sense of “manliness”. I think that if I was in a relationship and I had a girlfriend/wife who constantly said “I love you”, I would be a little curious on why she felt it was important to say it simply because it’s a feeling and therefore should be felt. Words should be a redundancy and if they are a redundancy should not be necessary on a regular basis.
As far as our society has progressed socially and even technologically, when it comes to relationships, I think there is a lot to be said on the direction we’re headed with that. Just because everything in the world is constantly changing, it doesn’t mean that everything should change.
Again, I have to say, it is now almost 6 in the morning and my mind hasn’t really jump started yet so you’ll have to excuse the randomness of my thoughts. Perhaps if I had waited until noon or 6PM, this would have been a little better organized but then again, probably forgotten by then too. I’m sure this topic will be circulating in my mind all day so I still may have something of value to add later in the day again.

toni d. said...

Who needs to date when you can play Pet Society? ;)

roro said...


nea barabea said...

Ineska thanks so much for your opinion!! It means a lot to me! And as you can see, I was really pissed of yesterday :P :P

Railer - Well, thank you! And actually now that you've pointed out, the thing about saying "I love you" - well, yes, it does make sense!! I've never considered it that way. :) ;) Could be an interesting thing to do a research about! :)

Railer said...

What would be even more interesting about that research is understanding when people started to believe that words had more meaning than feelings and what caused this shift in human expression. I mean, when you go to a restaurant, the chef can tell you a hundred times that the meal will be great but those words are meaningless until you experience the meal yourself. The same goes for human emotions, words are meaningless unless you truly feel them and IF you do indeed truly feel those emotions, they are generally obvious just through your expression and reaction towards other people (at least in my experience). If someone is happy, they smile, it’s redundant to tell someone that you’re happy. If you’re not happy, then you probably won’t be smiling. Despite that, at least in the society I grew up in, people feel a need to verbalize everything as if they were trying to reassure others of what they’re feeling.
Sorry to go off topic here but human behaviour has always fascinated me on many levels.

nea barabea said...

Railer, I totally understand what you mean! And don't worry about off topics, I really apriciate that you express what you feel toward this kind of things :) But I must say, that at my univesity they teach us to verbalize our feelings. Maybe because most of us ae women and women are known for - you know, when insteed of angry she will be sad? Or insteed of furious she will cry? That's maybe why it's important to verbalize our emotions, to know what you're TRULY feeling :) I hope it did make sense, what I wanted to say :) :P

Railer said...

Nea, I agree with the verbalizing part to a certain extent. With my comment, it's more of a matter of the simple, "I'm happy and you can see it". I see your point of view because there are many times in everybody's life where you just don't know what's going on in your mind and you need to vent. Now, I've been the person that others have used to vent with a few times before and I've made the mistake of trying to help them when in fact all they are in need of is someone to listen so they can let out what's in their mind. Sometimes it is just matter of hearing yourself speak to truly understand what is going on in your own head. It's easy to get lost in yourself when you have too many things on your mind and just talking to someone can many times help makes things clear to yourself. In these situations, in the past, I used to feel like people were talking to me in search of guidance or advice and they would get offended when I would offer anything. I later realized that in the process of them talking, they would lead themselves down a path to resolving that which was causing all the "emotional turmoil" in the first place.

It truly is amazing how complex the brain really is but at the end how easy it is to bring it under control from a bombardment of random thoughts to a single and final answer to things that usually turn out to be quite logical in nature.

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