April 06, 2012

The Power of Extraordinary Moments: How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love?

The orginal article can be found on this page.

Is love an addiction? Are all relationships addictive? This article explores how all healthy relationships include at least one addictive moment and how, in unhealthy relationships, this one moment is often the basis for the whole relationship. You can check the first part of the article here: Is It Love?,the second part here: What is love? and the third part here: Do You Choose the Person?

How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love?
The Quick and only accurate answer. In a New York minute. And being from New York, I know this amount of time all too well. No joke.

"But can't people grow in love?"
No they can't. They can, however, heal what prevents them from seeing beauty in each other and in this way, see more beauty in someone they already love.
When this happens, you do feel more love.
Sometimes, too, when people want to have a relationship really badly, this powerful wanting drives them to put in a lot of work to make an existing relationship better. Sometimes, this works in that sometimes they do fall in love along the way. Even here though, this "falling in love" moment takes an instant and not the time it took to do the whole long period of hard work.
What I'm saying is, "love" is simply not something which comes on slowly. It's always a discovery thing, never a getting used to or working it out thing.
So what about all the people who say things like, "real love takes time."
They're right. Being healthy enough to be open when love comes calling can take a life time in fact. And sadly, some people will miss out no matter how hard they try.

In truth, though, even very damaged people fall in love. They do it all the time. They just don't get to enjoy this love in the mature, grown up sense of enjoying it, meaning, they don't find a partner with whom they can heal and grow.

This, then, is what takes time, what I call, the "deepening process." No coincidence this is what hypnotists call it when they help someone to go further into a hypnotic state. In fact, the hypnotist's "deepening" is very similar to what we do when we "deepen" our love for someone. Still, this "deepening" is neither the beginning nor the cause nor the source of love. It is simply the expanding of a love we already feel.

Ok, so if you really think about it the falling in love proces. According to my experiences, well, it could really be "love at first sight", the perfect right moment, when you know. You just know that's it :)

But again, according to my experieces, this moment took a bit to come along. I knew the boy for months and never ever thought about falling in love with him. And then one days was just like "Baaaaaaaam!" and I was in love. Lol. It was acutally kind of difficult for me to accept the idea (or I should say fact) well, whatever. I fell. Hard. 

So, it think it really is all about waiting for the right moment. If you like the guy, then, probably the moment will happen. But I think I need to point out the important thing, that you need to be attracted to the guy - The physical thing always count or he does have that "something" that draws you in ;)

What do you think about it? How long does it takes to fall? :)


Joie said...

ooh! really interesting article! thanks for sharing :)

Blueicegal ♥ said...

No idea. A bit of a skeptic, you see. it is always lovely to read about others experiences though :)

Mimi Valentine said...

You always ask such beautiful questions about love that make me think! I honestly don't know how long it would take to fall in love. For book boys, it honestly usually doesn't take more than a page if he plays his cards right LOL x) But for a real boy... It's hard to say since I've only had school crushes before, but I love the way you put it! Sort of like there's a line between "like" and "love," and crossing it only takes one moment overtime :)

We're all romantics here, Nea <3 Don't you just love love? :')

nea barabea said...

I do Mimi, I do ;) :) <3

Railer said...

Love is an interesting feeling. I might come across as a bit of cynic about this but how many people really truly are in love with their partner? How many times is that "love" in fact lust or desperation? I've had a few friends and I can admit to being a victim of being in "lust" with someone and actually thought it was love. Physical attraction can go a long way with some people, many people and it can depend on the person themselves or simply it can be a matter of maturity. Sometimes the physical attraction can be so strong that in your mind, you're convinced that you're in love and you overlook the fact that this person is not for you in any way other than physical attraction. Sometimes, the harshest yet most effective realization is when someone throws that bucket of cold water on you when you finally realize that you're not in love.

The other point is desperation. I've seen this happen to a good friend of mine where in his mind, he was convinced that he could never find another person to love that he stuck with someone who was the total definition of evil. He went through great strides to convince himself that he was in love with her despite her many, many shortcomings.

So yeah, I might come across as being a little cynical towards love but don't get me wrong. I still believe that it exists but my life experiences have taught me to be careful and not fall into the same traps that I've seen friends fall into and that I have fallen into before as well. I think you do in fact fall in love with someone in an instant but it is only true love if it is after getting to know the other person, who they are and what they're like. If you have the whole picture (or a big part of it) then it is love. Before that, it can only be lust or the illusion of love.

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