December 30, 2013

Revisit and Revise baby ;)

The year is ending.. So I think it's time to revisit and revise. 

And I don't want my moody mood and being exhausted influence my writing. So, I will try my best to see positive things that happened this year. I have a glass of wine next to me and I will not think about tomorrow morning.

On January 18th I graduated, and finally got my degree in Psychology. This was one of the best best days of my life. It was perfect. And I remember in that moment, I was feeling it, and I knew it. And I told myself, keep this memories close, you'll need them one day, when things will seem very hard. I still do. All of them. 

My sister told me she was pregnant <3 I was to become an aunt <3 I was so so happy for her. She deserves all the happiness in this world.

I lived in a hostel. Yeah, it's pretty much like the movie "The hostel" though I never saw it. It was crazy and insane and awesome and amazing. I was never alone. And that alone meant a lot, while being by myself in another country.

For my birthday gift, I bought myself a trip to London for 4 days. To meet a guy that I meet briefly in the coffeeshop that I was working at. Crazy. Insane. But I wanted it. And so I went. Looking back.. was it worth it? I'm still figuring it out.

I went to my first proper date. Like dinner, you know. I even bought a dress for it! :P It was a nice date, or I should say dates, but I wasn't really feeling it, so.. The experience was nice though :) 

In March I moved to a flat. Right next to my Uni. Fabulous. But.. it wasn't a nice time in my life back then. I was kind of lost. And sad. And alone. With a job that I started to dislike every day more. No, it wasn't a nice time.

I May I went back home! Like I said, I was loosing it, so I decided to go home to figure some stuff out. It worked. Spending time with my family and friends.. it was like heaven. I went to this annual student party called "Lampion─Źki" and I had the best time ever. I saw all the people that I spent my Uni time with and it reminded me how extremely lucky I am to have them. And to have lived this amazing Uni experience. I am going back for it next year for sure.

I came back to Edinburgh in the beginning of July. At the airport my mom told me "Nea, try to go out more and make an effort to meet people, so you won't feel so alone". I promised I would. And you know how promises are like, right?

Every night I went out. Work in the morning or not, I promised my mother I will make an effort. And I did. I meet great people. A group of guys that made my summer an amazing adventure. I had the time of my life. :) Was about time :P

I went to Newcastle and I fell in love with it. I decided to move there one day, soon. 

I went to Manchester as well, and I had a great time!

At the end of July I was struggling.. I was working, but was far from reaching the number of my tuition fee. And I was lost again. All the hopes and dreams were once again far from my reach. And then..

My manager at work pissed me off. I'm an impulsive person.. so I finally said, screw it, I am done. I went for an interview and I got new job. I quit that evening. 

The next day I had my IELTS exam. Gods, what a panic attack I had. I will be forever grateful to my psychologist for making me breathe again, because I swear, in the end I couldn't breathe. It was awful. Fucking awful. For a moment I actually thought I would die. I was crying. I was screaming. And I couldn't breathe. And Ines saved me. I went to my exam, well, after being sick a couple of times, and I survived. 

On August 7th, my sister had her baby!! <3 She was so happy, and I was happy too :) <3

But I still didn't know what will happen with my Uni. And then I got the results of my exam. I was sitting for an hour in front of the button "results". I couldn't press it. My best friend was saying to just press it, but I couldn't. I was crying. And then she said "Come on, press it, love yourself". And I did. I passed. With an even better mark that I expected!! I was screaming. Loud. It was an amazing feeling. 

My new job started to get.. stressful, but the pay was incredible. Due to my 50-60 hours per week. But it was worth it. After months of doubts, and worries and stress, my dream seemed possible again and that alone was worth everything. And I managed it. I did. 

And in September 2013 I enrolled in the Master program of Psychology of Individual Differences. I was the proudest girl ever. All by myself. I did it. I fucking did it.

I switched at work to part time and started my Uni. Well, I must say this, a little advice for future Nea, look up at the actual program and see what it's like ;) Don't get me wrong, I still love it and I am still fucking proud, but I wish there was more theories and researches, than statistics and PhD proposals. 

In October my Mom came visit me! She came all by herself and I must admit I was surprised. She wasn't away from my Dad for more than 3 days in the past 30 year. But she came. One night I was so tired and stressed and drunk and I said "you know what?! What is money compare to my happiness?" I decided to pay for her ticket as long as she comes visit me. And she did. She brought me home to Edinburgh. I was happy. And loved. 

In November I was losing it again. I was working a lot. Yeah, you say, but you work part time! Yeah, but when part time means 40-45 hours per week + homework.. things start to get a bit out of hand. I asked for less hours and I was met with "No". Uh, it was insane. INSANE. I wasn't sleeping for some days. But I managed. And I managed to pass with good grades as well :)

I met some great people at Uni as well. They are amazing. I love discussion science and knowledge and everything psychology. I love it! And I love them :) I finally found, after a while, a place where I belong :)

December was and still is insane. I work full time now, and gods, I am exhausted. Everyday I walk to work with the fear that I will finally loose it and walk out. So, far I still haven't. But I was close. On many occasions. Because it's so busy, and people are so stressed, and I am so stressed.. I'm emotionally exhausted as well. But everyday I wake up and I keep trying. In the end, that's the best I can do. All for Uni, all in the name of science. Hope as hell future Nea will be grateful for all these sacrifices I am making for her. Because it's hard. It's so fucking hard. I said, after all this will be over, I am going to bed for 2 months. It still stands.

Well, after writing all this.. Regrets? Only one. (That I can come up with after a bottle of wine). You know, we really do fall in love in New York minute. I think I fell for the wrong person. And spent too much energy and drama to make something out of it, but it wasn't enough. And I've learnt, that no matter what we do, some people don't want to be saved. And that we accept the love we think we deserve

So, here comes my goals for 2014.

I've read this article about not calling it resolutions, because that just sounds negative and impossible, so I will call it goals and wishes. 

My goal and wish in 2014 is to figure out what I want. There was this professor in Psychological Research Skills class that said, think about what you want out of this Master. And please, let no the answer be, because I want to go to a PhD. In the end, you are spending your money, your energy and your time for it. Think about what do you want to be when you finish. He was damn right, and I am thinking about it. So my wish is to actually figure it out.

My other wish is related to this post my best friend sent me. It made me think. So my goal is to figure this out. 

I want to be happy. To feel as I deserve the things that I have. 

And that's it. I'll be a happy person if I manage to accomplished these 3 things. A very happy one.

*just one thing: the reference to my future self is taken from this awesome article that I've read. It makes a lot of sense.

I wish you a happy New Year,



December 27, 2013

Books I'm Looking Forward in 2014

Hosted by Rachel from Fiktshun, Lisa from A Life Bound By BooksJessica from Confessions of a BookaholicJaime from Two Chicks on Books and Mindy from Magical Urban Fantasy Reads, the Top 10 of 2013 runs for five consecutive days and highlights some of our favourite reads throughout the year.

Books I'm Looking Forward in 2014
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Captivated by You by Sylvia Day
The Darkest Minds #3 by Alexandra Bracken
The Forever Song by Julie Kagawa
All Our Yesterdays #2 by Cristin Terrill
Tempting the Bodyguard by J. Lynn

These are the books I'm dying to read!
What books you can't wait to be released? :)

December 26, 2013

Best Book Boyfriends of 2013

Hosted by Rachel from Fiktshun, Lisa from A Life Bound By BooksJessica from Confessions of a BookaholicJaime from Two Chicks on Books and Mindy from Magical Urban Fantasy Reads, the Top 10 of 2013 runs for five consecutive days and highlights some of our favourite reads throughout the year.

Best Book Boyfriends of 2013

Gideon Cross
"Multitasking, I'm sure." I stepped on the gas and prayed as I cut across lanes. "What's a little calming distraction for your girlfriend in the midst of world entertainment domination?" "I'd stop he world from spinning for you."
"Sweet dreams, baby," I whispered, wrapping my arms over his around my middle. His mouth curved against my neck. "My dreams already came true." 

Will Herondale
“And to the devil with it if she is!" said the Consul. "One girl, who is not Nephilim, is not, cannot, be our priority."

"She is my priority!" Will shouted.”


Cade
He flinched, but he kept going. "There are some things that are worth fighting for, no matter the outcome, and you are one of them." - Faking it



Zeke
"Does that bother you?" "If it involves kissing you? Please, use me to prove a point anytime."



Drew Callahan
"What? Are you jealous?" "Fuck, yes, I am!" I roar, unable to stop the words from spilling out. "After everything we've shared, especially after yesterday, xou have the nerve to ask if I'm jealous? Of course, I am. This isn't a game to me, Fable. This is my life. And I want you to be part of it. But if you'd rather fuck around with other guys, then I can't deal with that. I want you and you only. I'm not sharing you with anyone else."

Aiden
"I don't-" He cut himself off. "You don't what?" He looked up, features rigid. "I was going to say that I don't care. Not when you could die doing this. I don't care." I had no idea what to say to that, and I knew that it took a lot for Aiden to admit that. Hell, it would take a lot for anyone one to admit that. But it was the truth, and sometimes the truth wasn't pretty or ethical or fair. It just was.

Liam
“I think I'm losing it—I don't know what's happening, what happened, but I look at you, I look at you, and I love you so much. Not because of anything you've said, or done, or anything at all. I look at you, and I just love you, and it terrifies me. It terrifies me what I would do for you.” 

Reece

“I wouldn’t have waited this long for you. I would have already showed up at your dorm the minute I decided I wanted you. I wouldn’t leave until I convinced you that you were mine.” 


Chase

I squeezed my eyes closed and kissed him with that kind of pressure, begging him to make me forget, to feel anything beyond this bottomless, irreconcilable black hole that had torn open inside of me.


Graham

"Especially since it was in pursuit of a quest." "A failed quest," he pointed out. "Still." "I think you have to be more of a believer for these things to work," he said, wiping some ice cream from his face. "How are you supposed to find what you're looking for if you're not convinced it's even out there?"

Ahh, my book boyfriends.. what would I do without you? <3

What's your favourite book boyfriend of 2013? :)

December 25, 2013

Best Quotes of 2013

Hosted by Rachel from Fiktshun, Lisa from A Life Bound By BooksJessica from Confessions of a BookaholicJaime from Two Chicks on Books and Mindy from Magical Urban Fantasy Reads, the Top 10 of 2013 runs for five consecutive days and highlights some of our favourite reads throughout the year.

Best Quotes in 2013

"There are no good choices, Allison," Kanin offered in a quiet voice. "There are only those you can live with, and those you can work to change." 


"What the hell was I supposed to do, Eva? I didn't know you existed. If I'd known you were out there, I would have hunted you down. I wouldn't have waited a second to find you. But I didn't know, and I settled for less. So did you. We both wasted ourselves on the wrong people." 



It's easy and un-extraordinary to be frightened of life. It's far more difficult to arm yourself with the good stuff despite all the bad and step foot into tomorrow as an everyday warrior.


Going after him might not be the smart choice, the logical choice - but it was how I felt, and Doctor Z always encouraged me to try to get what I wanted. To feel I deserved to get what I wanted.



"I would have torn this whole damn country apart looking for you."








My mom said once that education was a privilege not afforded to everyone, but she was wrong - it wasn't a privilege. It was our right. We had the right to a future.







For too long I've been pulled one way, then another; between who I was, and who I am. But who do I want to be? Who I am now and what I do, now, will be decided by me, and me alone.

She's all broken inside but no one will ever notice.

That night it felt that somehow by flicking them off the roof, the matches would burn down everything, the sparks from the tips of the flames torching the world and all the heartbroken people in it.



I was an independent, twenty-four-year-old grown-ass woman. 







God, I love quotes!! :) 

Merry Christmas :)

What are your favourite quotes of 2013? :)

December 24, 2013

Best Book Covers of 2013

Hosted by Rachel from Fiktshun, Lisa from A Life Bound By BooksJessica from Confessions of a BookaholicJaime from Two Chicks on Books and Mindy from Magical Urban Fantasy Reads, the Top 10 of 2013 runs for five consecutive days and highlights some of our favourite reads throughout the year.

Best Book Covers of 2013

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Pretty shiny covers :)

What are your favourite covers of 2013? :)

December 23, 2013

Best Books I've Read in 2013

Hosted by Rachel from Fiktshun, Lisa from A Life Bound By BooksJessica from Confessions of a BookaholicJaime from Two Chicks on Books and Mindy from Magical Urban Fantasy Reads, the Top 10 of 2013 runs for five consecutive days and highlights some of our favourite reads throughout the year.

Best Books I've Read in 2013

Due to my busy schedule in 2013, I haven't read as many book as I wished. But still managed to read 45 books as in 14341 pages :) I'm pretty proud nonetheless ;)



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These are my favourite books that I've read in 2013! I loved every single one of them!! They made my days :)

What are your favourite books from 2013? :)

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