September 21, 2014

Dreams of being someone, reality of just being

And I am back in UK. Full of hopes and possibilities and new beginnings.

Ha. You know, maybe I should stop thinking that every really "developed" country is the best country to be. Maybe, just maybe I should start considering that every country is the same and that things are simply not as they used to be 20 years ago. Even though I wish they were. 

I am working in this restaurant. I decided that I won't go back to my old job and just find a new one, where they treat me as a human being and not as a machine. It was nice at the beginning. But today.. 13 hours shift. Holy shit, wasn't I running from this kind of stuff? I was. And obviously I ran toward the same shit. 

After a break of almost 2 months.. it was hard. And today everyone seemed stressed. I was too. I was trying to keep in mind that I love the floor and that everything is great but after almost 6 hours my brain fried up. Literally. I couldn't concentrate anymore, I was just bad. Needed a break for 10 minutes and I took it. Wrong move apperently.

Now don't get me wrong. Sometimes is sooo busy that you just can't. But like I said after almost 6 hours I was going insane. And still, I got told off.

All this got me thinking why I was so mad in the first place. You know, I always talk about how I hate society today. And I do. But today again I got this revelation while cleaning tables. Why am I cleaning tables when I have a degree and half of my master degree?! Why don't I do things that actually matter and help people?

The answer is actually quite simple. It's easy to get a job and it's good money. Because lets face it, who has the time and money to search for a proper job when the applications take you at least an hour or two to make and then you never hear back from them?! It's just annoying. 

And then at one moment I found myself almost crying because really? Do I need to do this kind of job? Shouldn't I be a psychologist in an office trying to solve people's problems?Whatever they are. Am I not studying for this? 

And all the time this thing kept playing out in my head.. What a sad world I was born into? I want cry for each and every one of us who are living in this sad excuse of a world we've been born into. They say knowledge is everything, and yet.. here I am. Willing to learn, willing to work hard just to have an actual purpose in life. To be given a chance to prove myself. With my knowledge and not just my ability to make an awesome coffee.

We are young, we are willing to learn, we are willining to work hard. All we need is a chance. Just a chance. 

But I guess capitalism isn't into chances. It's into people who know already what they are doing and how the system works. And here is where young people loose the battle. 

Until next time,



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