February 01, 2016

Shh.. do you hear it? The silence? It's the sound of my shattered dreams.

Why know what? I am so tired.

And to clarify, I am not tired of living. I am so tired of being. 

I am tired of being let down. 

I applied for this EU Commission internship in Brussels and I thought this was going to be the best thing ever (just after my Masters). And I got preselected! And I got called from 3 different DGs, and I got so freaking excited that I can't even. And then nothing. Like, nothing. And more nothing. And then in mid-January an email, saying wooops you did not get it. And, I was like, well ok, will try again for next year, and I will have to put some other/next plan into motion. And, then on Friday, I get a call. More like, THE call. It's them! And then ask me for the internship and they are interested, and if I am interested, and everything turns out great, and we both agree to collaborate, and things are awesome. More than awesome. Oh my god, finally all that - blood and sweat and horrible things that I've been through, and all the hard work, and all the keep trying - make sense. Everything was so worth it, cause look, I am here! I've made it!

And then Monday came around, and everything crashes. Literally, crashes. It was the afternoon and I get an email (THE email) which was supposed to be the official offer and look - it's a rejection. First I am like, uh what the hell just happened? This is not happening. WE agreed. We both did. They said I had it. It was mine! And, suddenly it isn't. No explanation whatsoever. Great, thank you.

Why do people do that?! You think it's funny? 'Cause let me tell you; It. Is. Not. 

It seems like a pattern with guys. After you tell them you think things seriously. Oh yeah, I like you, sure let's meet tomorrow, yeah I would love to go for a coffee to get to know you better, sure I look for the same things. And then they disappear from the face of the earth. And, when you ask them if they are dead, they don't even reply straight away. You keep trying, and then after 2-3 days, they are like "Oh, sorry, had a horrible break up and still recovering" or nothing really. What the fuck is wrong with people?! Do I look like I read minds?! I have a Masters in Psychology, but I don't read minds. And to be honest, if I could read minds, I would get paid for it, and not use it for this kind of bullshit. If we are honest, we are honest. And do not tell me "I was drunk" - you are never that drunk, unless you are doing charity, and believe me, I don't need that. Honestly.

People please, stop. Just stop. Getting a person's hopes up, and then let them down is never ok. Never. If you didn't know that, well, I am letting you know now; it's never ok to let people down. 

'Cause seriously, me and all the rest of the world would rather have it that you don't say anything. Anything at all. Anything really, rather than that. Because really, with all the toys in the world, people shouldn't play with people's emotions. That is not ok.

World, how strong do you think we are? How many times do you think you can break us before we won't be able to stand up again? 

Tomorrow is going to be a better day. Fingers crossed.



1 comments :

Nick said...

Oh hun. I'm so sorry! :( That was a really shitty thing to do ESPECIALLY if they contacted you and agreed on something. Gosh, I'm so mad on your behalf.
If ever you need to talk, I'm available via email at any time! <3
Take care, Nea!

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